I went to the doctor and, he said, "Pick a star sign?" Any star sign?
He said, "No, you've got Cancer."
[First date] Her: So what do you do?
Her: Wow! That’s impressive!
Him: Next, I’ll move on to Capricorns.
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Me and my ex-girlfriend just weren't meant to be together, she was a Capricorn...
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go camping
"Look up, Watson," Holmes says, "and tell me what you see."
"I see billions of stars," says Watson.
"And what do yo...
The doctor sits him down and says, 'Pick a star sign, any star sign'
The man replies, 'Capricorn.'
And the doctor goes, 'Nah, you got cancer.'
I walked into the Doctors Surgery and he said to me, "Pick a star sign, any star sign.
"Yeah, right," he tutted. "As if I'm about to tell you that you have Capricorn. Try again."
I told my superstitious friend I was having knee pains
I said "No ma'am. I'm a Taurus, and that's bull."
So a woman walks out of a doctor's office
- What was it again ? Sagittarius, Capricorn ?
- No ma'am, CANCER !
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Went to an astrologer and found out why my wife and I aren't compatible.
Hilarious Tweets About and By Capricorns
Capricorn Tweets #1
If you knew anything about astrology, you would know that the true kingpin of the zodiac is Capricorn. Suns. Moons, Rising. Creme de la creme.
Capricorn Tweet #2
It’s True Though
A Capricorn was probably the first person to say “I’m not mad, just disappointed.”
Capricorn Twitter Tweets #3
Yo I accidentally made my circle so small that it’s only me. #immybestcompany
Capricorn Twitter #4
When they think they’ve hurt me…
Capricorn Tweets #5
It Eez What It Eez
Saying “it eez what it eez:” $0
Capricorn Tweets #6
How to Apologize to A Capricorn Idea
One of my exs just randomly sent me $200 for “the trauma he caused me.” This is the only form of apology I will be accepting from now on.
Capricorn Tweet #7
When Your Manager is a Capricorn
Bro, my coworker starts crying bc her boyfriend broke up with her through text and my manager go say “that’s why we stay off our phones at work” LMAO
Capricorn Twitter Tweet #8
The funny thing about 2020 is every Capricorn I spoke to kept saying “I don’t really mind quarantine.”
Capricorn Tweets #9
Ain’t Nobody Got Time For That
People with strong Capricorn placements can be on the verge of a panic attack and check the time to see they have a meeting in 10 mins and the panic attack is just gonna have to wait until a spot opens in their schedule.
Capricorn Twitter #10
Get You A Capricorn
Does anyone want to be in love so we can split rent?
Capricorn Tweets #11
What sign are you most compatible with? -Dollar$.
Funny Capricorn on Twitter #12
Capricorn Health Tips
A Capricorn’s life could be falling apart but they will be taking their vitamins.
Astro TraitsSours: https://www.astrotraits.com/capricorn-tweets-twitter/
The Funniest Zodiac Signs, Ranked
Halfpoint Images/Getty Images
Everyone has the ability to be funny every once in a while (even Jerry from accounting), but we all know people for whom humor just seems to come naturally. These fun-loving, gregarious folks love to be the center of a good conversation, making everyone around them smile. Like any other personality trait, a person’s ability to be funny can be heavily tied to their sign in the zodiac. Some signs are just naturally witty, while others are great storytellers. Some signs prefer to hang back and enjoy the laughs rather than dishing them out themselves, and others prefer to share their jokes quietly in the corner, rather than out loud for the whole world to hear. No matter your style, everybody is bound to find a type of humor that clicks with them, but there are definitely some signs that tend to get the joke more quickly than others.
Related: The Most Toxic Zodiac Pairings—aka the Sign You Should Never Date
12. Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 19)
Any sign can be funny, but Capricorns tend to prefer keeping a straight face rather than letting their emotions (or laughter) show to the world. In general, Capricorns can come across as hard eggs to crack, especially to those who do not get their specific, very dry sense of humor. Let loose a little bit, and don’t be afraid to make fun of yourself, Cap!
11. Aquarius (Jan 20 - Feb 18)
Aquarius isn’t toward the bottom of the list because they’re not funny, it’s just that they prefer to enjoy the humor of others rather than popping in with jokes of their own. Aquarians can tend to close themselves off to others at first, preferring to share their humor only with a tight-knit group, because sharing with strangers makes them feel exposed. There’s nothing wrong with preferring to give laughs rather than receive them, but be sure not to dim your own light in the process.
10. Cancer (Jun 21 - July 22)
Cancer is the queen of self-deprecating humor, which is hilarious for the people who know they don’t really mean it, but it can be uncomfortable for those who don’t get the joke. Cancers also prefer a blunt, to-the-point humor that can be a bit of an acquired taste for some, but an absolute favorite for those who enjoy it. Be sure to check in with those around you to make sure they know you’re joking, and you’ll be dazzling them with your wit in no time.
9. Taurus (Apr 20 - May 20)
Taurus is known for being low-key and laid-back, and so is their sense of humor. They’re not going to be the person shouting their joke over the crowd to make sure everybody heard them. But they are going to be the person whispering a witheringly hilarious comment to the person closest to them, sending them into a fit of (sometimes inappropriate) laughter. While a giggle party of two is always fun, don’t be afraid to share that humor with the world and let others in on the joke. When it comes to laughter, the more the merrier!
8. Pisces (Feb 19 - Mar 20)
Interested in a long-winded yet hilarious story? Pisces is here to oblige! Pisces love nothing more than to spin a yarn, but they can also sometimes lose their audience. Be sure to always be checking in with those around you to make sure that they didn’t check out ten ‘‘so then I was like..."s ago, and you’ll be the go-to storyteller at any group function.
7. Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22)
Virgo is the zodiac’s Queen of Sarcasm, and their dry, self-deprecating sense of humor has everyone around them asking, “Wait...is that Aubrey Plaza?” They’re the ones who will be able to quickly point out the irony in any situation, or to cut through the tension with a completely on-point observation. Obviously, this type of humor can be more or less appreciated depending on the situation, but when it works, it really works.
6. Scorpio (Oct 22 - Nov 21)
Scorpios love long, deep conversations, but that doesn’t mean they can’t spice it up with a little humor! Sure, it might be dark humor, but dark material can be funny too, when handled properly (see: Heathers). That said, Scorpios need to be careful not to veer off into hurtful or offensive territory with their jokes and realize when they’ve taken it too far. Give new friends time to finally “get” your humor, and once they do, they’ll be rolling on the floor laughing.
5. Leo (Jul 23 - Aug 22)
Leos are natural performers who love being at the center of attention and being funny helps them to do just that. They’re that friend who loves to tell an outrageous story full of exaggeration for comedic effect, and they have no problem acting out all the parts themselves, voices included. Where they’ll run into problems is when their desire for the spotlight makes them take the humor overboard, into show-boaty or sometimes embarrassing territory. But when they’re on their A-game, Leos are the funniest friends around.
4. Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 19)
Aries are known for their goofy, lighthearted sense of humor and are no strangers to using physicality to make sure their joke lands. Natural born leaders, Aries will often use jokes to help endear themselves to their teammates, coworkers and friends to show them that the world is safe in their (very funny) hands. Aries also love physical humor, with silly walks, funny faces and pratfalls coming very easily to them. Just don’t take it too far and hurt yourself!
3. Gemini (May 21 - Jun 20)
Geminis are known for their gift of gab, making them no stranger to witty repartee, one-liners and zingers. Gemini also has the rare ability to poke fun at others, while also not crossing the line and coming off as mean or offensive. Probably because they can both dish it out and take it, and have no problem turning their sharp wit on themselves. While long stories may not necessarily be their forte (they get bored easily), a Gemini is always available for a sarcastic comment or a hilarious one-liner that perfectly encapsulates whatever just went down.
2. Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 21)
Super friendly Libra is the social butterfly of the zodiac, so it should come as no surprise that they’re also one of the funniest signs. Libras feed off the energy of others, so if you’re smiling, they’re smiling. Does this mean that sometimes they’ll go to embarrassing extremes to make sure everyone around them is having a good time? Yep. Does it usually work and leave the entire party in stitches? You bet.
1. Sagittarius (Nov 22 - Dec 21)
Wit and cleverness come very easy to Sagittarius, making them, hands-down, the funniest sign in the zodiac. Archers are famous for being able to find the humor in any situation, and they tend to be that friend who has you rolling on the floor laughing seconds after they walk through the door. Sags are the perfect people to have with you in a crisis, because they’ll be the person who picks out the one funny thing about an awful situation and uses it to make you feel better. They’re also fantastic storytellers, able to turn an ordinary day into some Office-level comedy. Basically, we all need at least one—or several—Sagittariuses in the friend group.
RELATED: How to Be More Optimistic in Life, Based on Your Zodiac Sign
Capricorn jokes funny
.TikToks only Capricons are allowed to watch
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